Key WEST? I thought you said WEAST! (Key West, Florida)

One final stop before Peru saw me in Key West for my friend Oley’s bachelor party. Meeting me there were two of my best friends who you may recognize from other posts, Seth and Jeiny. Not to mention the bachelor himself, another of my best friends from Madison, and 10 more hooligans from his younger years.

Seth, CJ (Oley’s best man), and I flew in Thursday to do a quick dive trip out to the Vandenberg while the rest of the group showed up late Friday/Saturday. Being who we are, we decided to go out on Thursday, even though we had a 7:30 am dive rendezvous on Friday. As often happens, we went a bit too hard which had us a little rough Friday morning. And the ocean being the cruel mistress she is, decided to laugh in our faces with some tough current at the dive site.

peace out land lubbers!

If you haven’t dove the Vandenberg, you may not know the dive is slightly different from most others. It starts by floating to a buoy before descending on a line about 10 feet. Then you hand over hand swim along a line to another buoy. Once you reach this buoy, you descend on another line to the actual wreck. This descent often involves holding or pulling on the line to keep from getting swept away by the current.

If that didn’t give you any indication as to why being hungover on this dive may not be a good idea well, go ahead and give it the ‘ol college try yourself 🙂 Seth and I didn’t have a guide, so once we finally got down, we followed the deck of the boat toward the bow of the wreck as we dropped in near the stern… ya I’m nautical af, I know! That route put us with the current for the first half of the dive, but the law of averages means we had to fight the current on the way back. Poseidon’s entertainment for the day! In order to use the boat to block the current, you’ll be around 100 ft depth and likely hitting your NDC (no decompression) limit time before getting back to where you started. That’s usually not a good thing when decompression isn’t part of your dive plan.

After fighting back up the boat a bit, Seth ended up running low on air, so we ascended on a different line before doing our safety stop and surfacing. Luckily, we were only 1-2 buoys off and one of our boat guides was kind enough to bring us a line so we could hand over hand it back to our boat, instead of more swimming unaided against the current. Being that we just wore ourselves out fighting the big blue on that dive and Seth was lying on the boat trying not to vomit, we decided to skip dive two. From what we heard, we still had the best sighting on our first dive with a big ass Tarpon.

It’s no underwater shark but this landshark we saw was too good to not post!

Once we got back to port, we tracked our group down and did what any self respecting divers would do… started drinking with all our friends!

This feels like the point in the story where I need to back track and mention that on Thursday night Seth, CJ, and I were walking back to the hotel when I saw some tie dye booty shorts on sale. Naturally, that meant I suggested we try and buy them for our group with a bulk discount. One thing led to another and we ended up with booty shorts for every guy at the bachelor party. I don’t want to toot our horns or anything, but we looked damn good, if I do say so myself.

I’m not much of one for mirror selfies… but damn, look at those thicc thighs!

We stopped off for another round at our previous night’s hotel while we waited for the Airbnb to prepare itself for the hurricane (us) that was about to hit landfall. As you might imagine, the night gets fuzzier as the drinks kept flowing. While several people didn’t make it out, the rest of our man-thighs did and at least one couldn’t hold their liquor, like those booty shorts couldn’t hold us.

Come Saturday morning, my insomniac ass was up before 6 which gave me plenty of time to get to 8 am crossfit drop-in at a box 3 miles out.. on foot. I thinking showing up dripping sweat really set me up for success in the WOD. Luckily, the crossfit community tends to be hella welcoming so I met a lot of super nice people while getting my ass kicked. They do say that misery loves company after all! Big thank you to crossfit Mile Zero for helping me sweatout the toxins from Friday so I could do it all again an hour later lol. After the class, some super awesome new friends dropped me back by the Airbnb so I didn’t have to run (walk) back. They actually run one of the two hostels in Key West, so make sure to give them a visit if you find yourself in key west. Sadly I am embarrassed to say I was so exhausted after the WOD that I didn’t remember the name :(. On a positive note, there is only 2 hostels in Key West, so you got a 50/50 chance of picking the right one!

Fun fact… it’s really hot in Key West in summer… especially in a crossfit box!

After cooling down with a shower and changing back into those sexy short shorts, we headed to brunch to begin another day of binge drinking. Upon landing, Jeiny met us at brunch. As you could probably gather from what happened Friday… the day got fuzzy real fast. The highlight really came around midnight when those of us still alive found a bar with live music. We made our way to the front of the crowd by the band, Oley rocking a gift of too-small lingerie and a very unbuttoned shirt. Over here, Jeiny and I were pounding what were were told were double vodka redbulls, though in actuality were just cups of vodka with a whisper of redbull. Unfortunately, our group got a bit too rowdy (well… two people did) and they were asked to leave. Since the bachelor boy was one of them, and we believe in solidarity, that signalled the end of the night. It was almost 2 am at this point so most bars had closed and we ended up back at our Airbnb, where people started dropping like flies.

Sunday morning came quick (not noice) and with it, the end of the trip. Jeiny and I had a car to pickup so we could make the 3ish hour drive to Fort Lauderdale for our flights to Peru the next day while the rest of the walking hangovers made their way to the airport. What should have been an uneventful rental experience ended up as quite a bit more. First the company gave my rental to someone else, then we showed up to our Covid tests 45 minutes early to be heckled by a rooster and made to come back later. We did end up making it to our hotel in Fort Lauderdale, eventually, after finding some bomb Cuban food to boot!

Really… what more could you ask for from a bachelor party? I think we really gave Oley one hell of a last hurrah!

One last photo of these magnificent shorts to get a better look at that (my) wagon! What do you think, is the CrossFit working!?

2 Comments Add yours

  1. Sounds like a blast! Love that land shark 😂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It was! Us too, was definitely not expecting to see a land shark lol

      Liked by 1 person

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